Self-Love After 40: A Married Black Mom’s Journey Back to Herself

By a 40-something wife, mom of two, and woman rediscovering her own light Let’s be real: self-love in your 40s hits different — especially when you’ve spent the last two decades pouring into a husband, raising babies, juggling careers, and putting everyone else’s needs before your own. You wake up one day and realize… you don’t quite recognize the woman in the mirror. Not fully. Not yet. The Quiet Burnout I’m married, I have two beautiful kids, and from the outside, my life probably looks “together.” But there were days — more than I care to admit — when I felt like I was fading in my own life. Not unhappy, not depressed, just… invisible. I stopped doing the things that made me feel like me. I stopped dressing up just because. I stopped speaking gently to myself. I stopped seeing myself. And the guilt? Oh, it runs deep. Black women are raised to be strong, to keep pushing, to “handle it.” But strength without softness is a recipe for burnout. The Shift: Choosing Me, Guilt-Free One morning after snapping at my kids for absolutely nothing, I stood in the bathroom and said out loud: "This can’t be all there is to me." That’s when I decided — self-love would no longer be optional. It wouldn’t be a spa day once every few months. It wouldn’t be a guilty pleasure. It would be a discipline. A daily decision to treat myself like someone who matters. And slowly, the shift began. What Self-Love Looks Like for Me Now Saying no — without a whole TED Talk of explanations. Reconnecting with my body — walking, stretching, even dancing in the kitchen. Waking up 30 minutes earlier — not for the kids, not for my husband, but for me. Speaking kindly to myself — especially when I mess up. Letting go of perfection — and showing up anyway. Sometimes self-love is loud and confident. Sometimes it’s me hiding in the car for 10 extra minutes with a hot coffee and no noise. Both are valid. Both are love. To My Fellow Moms Over 40 If you’re in this season too — learning, unlearning, feeling a little lost — I want you to know: You’re not broken. You’re blooming. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to evolve. You are allowed to be more than “Mom” and “Wife.” Self-love doesn’t mean leaving your family behind. It means bringing your whole self to the table — healed, whole, and worthy. Because the more we love ourselves, the more fully we can love them, too. Let’s Keep This Conversation Going: Have you rediscovered yourself after 40? What does self-love look like for you today? Drop a comment or share with another mama who needs this reminder.

Believe them

"You can't control the way people treat you, but you can control the way you react."

I don't know if any of you who are reading this post struggle with this as much as I do... After 30 plus years on this earth, I still find myself finding this to be a hard pill to swallow. Just recently, my eyes were "opened" again as I observed how intentional people are in their actions. Sometimes we make excuses for the way people treat us. We say things like, "they didn't mean it that way" or "they don't know any better." 

But... 

"When people treat you like they don't care, believe them."

If you have that person in your life that constantly talks down to you...     Believe them

If you have that person in your life that doesn't include you in theirs...     Believe them

If you have that person in your life that treats you like dirt...                 Believe them

If you have that person in your life that is always disrespecting you...         Believe them

Believe me...

It's time to take of the blinders and see people for who they truly are.

My Epilator Experience

Hair removal has been at the bane of our existence for hundreds of years. On every continent, in just about every city, women and even some men seek to have smooth, silky and hairless skin. Some of the most  popular methods of hair removal used today are waxing and shaving. I've done them both! 

Up until this month, I got my hairs removed professionally by waxing. After a while, this process can become rather expensive. Recently, I've embarked on the journey of living well and spending less so cutting out my monthly expense of waxing is a part of the process. However, my desire to be hairless in certain areas still exists so I needed a method to replace the waxing. So I did my research and came across the epilation method. I read numerous articles and watched countless YouTube videos to learn more about epilation. They all agreed on one thing; epilation is similar to waxing in that it removes hair from the root hence delaying the growth and yielding silky smooth skin. Next came, my search for the perfect epilator. This by far was the hardest part for me.  At the end of the day, I settled on the Emjoi Emagine that features 72 tweezers, with dual heads and two speed settings. This brand claims to be the fastest on the market because of the 72 tweezers. 

The speed of hair removal hooked me because every vlog I watched stated that epilation was painful. I knew that I wanted an epilator that was quick and less painful. On the day of my first epilation, I prepared myself mentally and physically. I exfoliated the areas that were being treated and I made sure that those parts were nice and dry. Much to my surprise, the process was not painful at all. The pain amounted to tiny pinches which did not bother me at all. I guess as a person who waxed on a regular basis, my pain threshold had increased significantly. The end results were just what I was looking for. Smooth, soft skin. I can't stop touching my legs and underarms. I'm super happy with the end results and so glad that I took this step. 

What method of hair removal do you use and have you ever thought about using and epilator? Please leave a comment to let me know. 

Ella + Mila

Hi guys, summer is officially here!!! Summer is that time of the year that I like to call flip flop season. Because it is so hot in this part of the world, you will find most people donning these comfy footwear and hitting the beach. Now when one wears flip flops, your feet and toes MUST look correct  and not a hot mess.

Luckily, I happened upon the perfect nail polish to get those fingers and toes looking gorgeous all summer long. Introducing Ella+Mila! Guys, this brand is the TRUTH!  This brand of lacquer is "quickly becoming one of the most sought-after polishes". According to their website,  Ella+Mila polishes are eco-friendly and a luxury innovation that lasts long without the harmful chemicals. In addition to being chip-resistant, quick dry and high shine, the nail colors contain no Toluene, Dibutyl Phthalate (DBP), Formaldehyde, Formaldehyde Resin or Camphor, making it a five chemical-free product. But the advantages don't end there! These polishes are also cruelty-free, vegan with PeTA certification and proudly made in the USA. 

                          

Please keep in mind that I was not contacted by the company or paid to review this product line. Like I said, I just happened upon them as part of my ongoing journey of living a life that is more organic. I can honestly say that I absolutely adore these polishes. The colors are very rich and mimics gel nail polishes in its staying power. 

Above are two of my favorite colors that i've tried so far, "barely pink" and "naughty not nice". Ella+Mila has a wide range of colors for you to choose from ranging from pastel pretties to bright neons to fall favorites to sexy metallics. They also release a new collection of colors every few months. 

I can't sing the praises of these polishes enough. If you're looking for long lasting, vibrant and chemical free nail polish, I implore you to check out Ella+Mila. 

You won't be disappointed!

Living a Dairy Free Life

One of my most favorite foods in the world is homemade macaroni and cheese. Next to that is pizza and ice-cream. Basically I enjoyed eating a lot of dairy filled foods. It wasn't until January of this year that I made the conscious decision to live a dairy free life. I decided to set aside my love for all things dairy and did it cold turkey. Trust me, this wasn't easy at all. Temptations lurked at every corner. It took everything in me to stick to my decision.

So, here are the top five reasons why I'm living a dairy free life.

Reason # 1

Like approximately 75% of Earth's population, i'm lactose intolerant. Yup, I'm unable to properly digest lactose leaving me all bloated, gassy and with an overall unpleasant feeling. Yes there are supplements and other things that can be taken to aide with this inability but I choose to embrace my body's natural rhythm. In fact, being lactose intolerant is the norm. Our bodies after infancy naturally loses it's ability to digest lactose. Therefore, I am no longer going to force my body to do something it is not naturally designed to do. My body has never been happier ever since I listened to it.

Reason # 2

On average, most people have about 2 - 3 colds a year. While eating dairy products does not cause you to get a cold it is a catalyst for the production of mucus which we all battle with when we are sick with a cold. Since changing my eating habits, i've enjoyed the benefit of having far less colds and flu per year. 

Reason # 3
Weight Control was purely a side effect of choosing to be dairy free. A side effect I can't be mad at. With less bloating, clothes fit much better and mama gat a little more pep in her step.

Reason # 4
Another amazing benefit of going dairy free is increased energy. I don't have that food coma feeling anymore after meals. Since incorporating more fruits and vegetables my energy have more than doubled. It's a wonderful feeling to be able to go all day without needing to take a power nap.

Reason # 5
Since changing my diet, i've seen a reduction of acne. I'm not aware of any correlation between dairy products and acne so I can't say for certain that the two are directly linked. However, my skin is smoother and it has a natural glow to it that is quite visible. I'm loving this new skin i'm in.

Kamalame Cay

I recently experienced the best three days of my life. Pure rest and relaxation. It was a real escape from city life. Here's my account of my stay on Kamalame Cay.

Saturday morning started with a quick 15 minute flight into Fresh Creek, Andros. 

Upon landing, it was another 20 minute cab drive to the Kamalame Cay dock where we awaited the ferry to take to the island.

Upon arrival to the Cay, we were immediately treated like royalty with someone waiting to take care of our every need. We were escorted to our home for the next few days.

 Life on the Cay was so serene. With little distractions and nothing to do but enjoy and become one with nature. I enjoyed everything about my time there. From the peacefulness of the clear water and powder white beaches. The delicious dishes prepared for us, and especially the native fruit we found while exploring the island on our sand chariot. Take a look at some of the highlights below.

My experience at Kamalame Cay is one that will forever be etched in my memories.

88th Academy Awards

This year's Oscar Awards was the topic of much controversy. Some in the industry felt that the award show was being racist towards black people because of the fact that there were no black nominees up for the coveted oscar trophy this year. This reality led people like Spike Lee and Jada Pinkett Smith to call for a boycott of the ceremony. They vowed to not attend or even tune in. Jada went as far as to post a video explaining her disappointment in this year's nomination process and urging black actors to use the power that they have amassed and start something that acknowledges people of color.  Many believed that her displeasure was more so because of the fact that her husband (Will Smith) was not acknowledged for his work in the film 'Concussion'. 

This year, talented comedian Chris Rock was selected to host the show. Many thought that he would turn the gig down because of his ethnicity. Everyone wondered what he would do and how would he address the proverbial elephant in the room at the Oscars. Chris Rock indeed hosted the 88th Academy Awards and in my opinion was absolutely brilliant in the way he addressed the controversy. Take a look below.

What do you think of Chris Rock's opening monologue at the 88th Academy Awards and how he chose to address the controversy of racism towards blacks in hollywood?