Self-Love After 40: A Married Black Mom’s Journey Back to Herself

By a 40-something wife, mom of two, and woman rediscovering her own light Let’s be real: self-love in your 40s hits different — especially when you’ve spent the last two decades pouring into a husband, raising babies, juggling careers, and putting everyone else’s needs before your own. You wake up one day and realize… you don’t quite recognize the woman in the mirror. Not fully. Not yet. The Quiet Burnout I’m married, I have two beautiful kids, and from the outside, my life probably looks “together.” But there were days — more than I care to admit — when I felt like I was fading in my own life. Not unhappy, not depressed, just… invisible. I stopped doing the things that made me feel like me. I stopped dressing up just because. I stopped speaking gently to myself. I stopped seeing myself. And the guilt? Oh, it runs deep. Black women are raised to be strong, to keep pushing, to “handle it.” But strength without softness is a recipe for burnout. The Shift: Choosing Me, Guilt-Free One morning after snapping at my kids for absolutely nothing, I stood in the bathroom and said out loud: "This can’t be all there is to me." That’s when I decided — self-love would no longer be optional. It wouldn’t be a spa day once every few months. It wouldn’t be a guilty pleasure. It would be a discipline. A daily decision to treat myself like someone who matters. And slowly, the shift began. What Self-Love Looks Like for Me Now Saying no — without a whole TED Talk of explanations. Reconnecting with my body — walking, stretching, even dancing in the kitchen. Waking up 30 minutes earlier — not for the kids, not for my husband, but for me. Speaking kindly to myself — especially when I mess up. Letting go of perfection — and showing up anyway. Sometimes self-love is loud and confident. Sometimes it’s me hiding in the car for 10 extra minutes with a hot coffee and no noise. Both are valid. Both are love. To My Fellow Moms Over 40 If you’re in this season too — learning, unlearning, feeling a little lost — I want you to know: You’re not broken. You’re blooming. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to evolve. You are allowed to be more than “Mom” and “Wife.” Self-love doesn’t mean leaving your family behind. It means bringing your whole self to the table — healed, whole, and worthy. Because the more we love ourselves, the more fully we can love them, too. Let’s Keep This Conversation Going: Have you rediscovered yourself after 40? What does self-love look like for you today? Drop a comment or share with another mama who needs this reminder.